I have a wonderful job \u2013 I get to work with amazing people.\u00a0 Often I get to meet some of their family members.\u00a0 Occasionally those family members aren\u2019t supportive (at least as I would like to see them being supportive).\u00a0 Even more rarely, I will overhear comments about my being there to help.\u00a0 One spouse in particular would make comments when I would arrive \u2013 \u00a0\u201cwe don\u2019t want any,\u201d time after time.\u00a0 He could have been kidding or he could have been frustrated.\u00a0 In truth, it could be either of these, or both, or some combination of any number of things.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s much easier to put those experiences into \u201cboxes\u201d that we understand \u2013 oh, they made that rude comment to me so they must be rude.\u00a0 Or as so many of us take the responsibility on ourselves \u2013 they did this or that, so it must be because they\u2019re upset with me.\u00a0 Our explanations for things can fall into a context that makes sense to us \u2013 and often is a clear-cut, black or white interpretation.\u00a0 This may or may not be the truth for them.<\/p>\n
Where\u2019s the middle ground in how we view things?\u00a0 Well, first it\u2019s incredibly hard to simply hold an experience and not put it into a \u201cbox.\u201d\u00a0 It takes energy and focus.\u00a0 We have to look at it \u2013 rather than shove it away and maybe avoid it.<\/p>\n
We do these same things with our own behaviors \u2013 we label ourselves as \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d for this or that choice, behavior, action.\u00a0 I know very few people who go around making bad decisions \u2013 they make the best choice based on the information they have, their own personality, and values.\u00a0 As with everyone on this planet, it was the \u201cbest\u201d decision they could have made in that moment and situation.<\/p>\n
Consider a pro-con list \u2013 with each choice you\u2019re considering there are pros and there are cons.\u00a0 They are personal to you \u2013 your pros (and cons) might not be anyone else\u2019s.\u00a0 It\u2019s the opposite sides to one coin \u2013 the choice contains both the pros and cons \u2013 at least potentially.<\/p>\n
The same thing can be said of the things we do with our life \u2013 day to day.\u00a0 We go to a job that often frustrates us, yet it\u2019s not as simple as just needing the money \u2013 we believe in what we\u2019re doing and find joy in it periodically.\u00a0 We have so many interests that we fill our schedules full and our anxiety skyrockets \u2013 yet we wouldn\u2019t change it and find those activities rewarding.\u00a0 We buy containers to organize the stuff surrounding us that sit unused adding to the stuff around \u2013 yet there\u2019s hope for making changes.\u00a0 Our ongoing behaviors and choices can have both pros and cons within them.\u00a0 It\u2019s not as simple as black or white.<\/p>\n
My job means that I will sometimes work with people whose family isn\u2019t as supportive of them as I would like them to be.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean that I won\u2019t do this work or work with those clients.\u00a0 And it doesn\u2019t mean that I will understand what is truly going on with the family members \u2013 their concern, their frustration, their whatever \u2013 unless they share with me.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s nothing wrong with the duality and it doesn\u2019t have to be one or the other \u2013 \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad.\u201d\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing saying that we can\u2019t live with and stay with those contradictions in our lives.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t make it easy to see and hold the duality though.\u00a0 When we can open our eyes, see the pros as well as the cons, and accept it \u2013 then we gain some clarity \u2013 a big picture view. \u00a0And maybe changes will have to be made, but even then, the next choice will have some duality too!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes it\u2019s easy to see the big picture of an experience; other times it\u2019s hard to escape labeling it. Every choice, behavior, action comes with a mixed bag of stuff \u2013 observing the duality of it all can offer clarity and eliminate (self-)criticism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[10,18,14],"class_list":["post-1408","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personaldevelopment","tag-behavior","tag-goals","tag-reversals"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7p82c-mI","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1408"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1412,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408\/revisions\/1412"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1408"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1408"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1408"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}