Demian<\/em><\/a> by Hermann Hesse, solidified it for me – where in the middle of the book someone says, \u201cIf you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.\u00a0 What isn\u2019t part of ourselves doesn\u2019t disturb us.\u201d\u00a0 This statement disturbed me and took a while for the depth of this to sink in fully.<\/p>\nBefore long, I realized this truth for myself.\u00a0 When I was diagnosed with Crohn\u2019s Disease, I struggled a lot with feeling that I was being a bum, I was sick, though I did not look it and in many ways did not feel it.\u00a0 I found myself suddenly very critical of people griping about work, or complaining about not getting enough things done.\u00a0 My hackles would rise, I was intense about \u201chelping\u201d them and adamant that they just needed to this or that.<\/p>\n
It was not about them.\u00a0 It was about me.\u00a0 I was struggling with those very issues in myself \u2013 I was desperate to get back to work; I was depressed about how little I was getting done; and I wanted solutions and answers, though it was not so simple.\u00a0 Just like it is not that simple for anyone else!<\/p>\n
When I was disturbed by someone or by something they did, it was about ME, and not them or their actions.\u00a0 The more I started applying this idea to whatever was generating strong reactions in me, the more clear that it spoke to my own struggles.\u00a0 It could be simply fear that I was perceived in certain ways.\u00a0 It was fear that I was<\/em> a certain way.\u00a0 It was something I was struggling with inside myself.<\/p>\nNow, if I find myself reacting or even feeling intensely about something, I stop and ask myself how it relates to me.\u00a0 Sometimes it is simply that I am on edge and less tolerant \u2013 when I find myself getting frustrated while driving \u2013 I now recognize this as a sign of my level of frustration in general and rarely is a true reflection of the other driver.\u00a0 It is time that I take some time to refocus myself, rejuvenate and focus on some self-care.<\/p>\n
My reactions at other times can be more extreme, yet it still comes down to a reflection of me.\u00a0 The more that I recognized this; the less I reacted to things.\u00a0 Now compassion wells up and I give everyone, myself included some lenience.\u00a0 We are all human and therefore fallible.\u00a0 The best we can do is work at growing and improving \u2013 perfection is unrealistic \u2013 so let\u2019s make the best of what we have.<\/p>\n
The things people can struggle with are not always obvious by looking at them.\u00a0 Crohn\u2019s Disease is not something that reveals itself in appearance, and there are so many things that do not manifest themselves visibly.\u00a0 We cannot truly know what others are struggling with and the complexities they face.<\/p>\n
I am not perfect, even often flawed.\u00a0 As we all are.\u00a0 For me, by recognizing what the real issue was, I was able to find compassion.\u00a0 When I use the word compassion, I think of the Buddhist definition of \u201cloving-kindness.\u201d\u00a0 This is what I aim to offer to everyone, including myself.\u00a0 We need to be able to love ourselves even with our flaws and find our way to \u201cjudge not, lest we be judged.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The classic idea of \u201cjudge not, lest ye be judged\u201d is often easier said than done. Something else crystallized that idea for me and has encompassed how I approach life in general. Judging, whether others or ourselves, only causes harm and we need to give ourselves a break from perfection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[10,18,14],"class_list":["post-173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personaldevelopment","tag-behavior","tag-goals","tag-reversals"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7p82c-2N","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=173"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":175,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/173\/revisions\/175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jenniferlinnig.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}